Today is it, I hope

The car is slated to be finished today! can we say yeah....

I'm so excited to be moving to our new life. I'm missing a few things left behind, and still have things that have to be dealt with, but for the most part, things are for the better. Even my husband and I seem to be changing. Our attitudes and stresses are not the same as they were. Don't get me wrong, there are a few things that haven't changed, but we both are bringing new outlooks to the table. This has been good, and in some ways, I believe it's helping me deal a little more with my grief over my brother's death.

I'm not getting a lot of support from my family, partially due to my sister pushing me out. But largely due to the fact that "Leona's dealing with it better than anyone else." People close to me are like, "duh, she's had to deal with a lot more than the rest of you." My family seems to think it means I don't need any help or support in dealing with my grief. My husband and I went through a rough patch at that time, so I've felt very alone until recently. I've started reaching out to my husband and talking about it a little more.

Mostly, I've just been announcing it, like a news feed. Maybe, I'll be able to start moving along with my healing processes. My grief comes and goes and some days are harder than others. If I can write and immerse myself into my stories, or paint and focus on the paintings, I'll have better days. Lately, however, those days have been few and far between and the grief is welling to the surface more and more with less activities to help channel it. It's almost a set back to closer to the time he died. It's been three months, but sometimes, it feels like yesterday.

I know he'd be thrilled for our move, and I catch myself wishing I could get on facebook and tell him stuff. When we made the final decision to leave, I listed him in the people to contact page. I almost cried right there in Costco!

Wish me luck in finding time to channel that emotion into writing and painting. I do some of my best work at those times.

Off to clean the hotel room. Watch out TEXAS, here we come!

whew

Okay. made it through the day. Got some writing done. Got some cleaning done. Talked to my kids. Husband talked to kids. Hopefully things will be better. In time I've actually written, less than hour, versus marketing/blogging/networking/ I've been able to do over thousand words! The characters have decided what's happening next, so I'm allowed to put it down on cyber paper now. :)

I've been paid my first payment for artwork last night, and have another one I'll get paid for next month! It's exciting! After all the time I've dreamed of getting paid to write and paint it all seems to be slowly happening at once.

I'm anxious to hear back on my shortstories. It'd sure be nice to get royalty payments right away. My book, Rebellion on Piza 7 wasn't released with much time for this quarters paycheck :(

I'm so excited to have learned so much from edittorent's blog. it's improving my writing and I'm going to have to go through all my books and rewrite the sections that need it and improve the flow. Now if I can only figure out the damn query letter I'd have so many stories sold I'd be unable to keep up, even with my supergirl speed of typing. LOL

I love to write and paint, and yet, even those aren't always on my agenda. Today, I will do both. Or if I don't paint, I'll at least set something up in my sketchbook. I have a commission I have to start sketching for. I've worked out a couple of composition ideas in my head and need to put them to paper to see how I like them. I do 16 x 20 without thinking about composition. It pretty much comes naturally. As the canvases get larger, I have to think more. I also have to step back and look at it more to make sure I haven't made a serious error or left out a major problem. I also have found a major knack for 12 x 30 (what a weird size to find an affinity with! but then again, I've never done anything the "normal" way lol)

It seems that I'm channeling Georgia O'keefe or something. In fact, when my instructor saw what I was working on he stood there for a bit, looking at it. It was an extra credit assignment, and I had no real parameters. It just had to be good. He turned to me and said, been talking to Georgia O'Keefe have you? And I laughed. I'm thicker on paint because I work with oils and don't dilute much unless trying for a specific effect. Even so, when looking at certain pieces, you have to wonder if this is how O'Keefe would have painted with oils and palette knife.

I need to write my 5k+ words today to make up for yesterday and Friday's serious lack of words. I only wrote like 1200 words yesterday. UGH NOT ENOUGH. I have to many stories in my head waiting to get out. And there not all the same type, much less the same genre! Makes me crazy, or maybe, it all truly is why I'm still even the slightest bit sane. Wish me luck!

stuff

I had relay for life yesterday. I am a cancer survivor as is my best friend and I've lost family to cancer. anyways, what was supposed to be four hour turn for team turned into ten hours!! Was not planned well. Our captain left at 4pm never to return. And apparently she hadn't made it clear to everyone that they didn't have to stay for whole time so some didn't show up because of heat sickness and other things. Everyone was little cranky to say the least. I didn't get to work on my final. Now I'm really pressured and it's not going well. I mean lots of paint has been applied but I'm soooo not happy with it.

One gal was a real trooper though and stayed the whole time. I'm making a special painting for her in thanks. Thanks Betsy!! You are awesome!