I think I am excited by my book signing, judging by how many posts I did on it :)
Hubby sick, daughter and son not felling great, although I think they have "spring fever" with a dash of "senioritis" thrown in for my daughter.
I'm fighting depression, not very well at this point, as the anniversary of my brother's death gets closer and closer. Since his (Timmy)birthday in February, I've been having unexpected crying fits and the whole he's left in my life has become more and more apparent.
I was adopted. Timmy was first baby born after that and he was my connection to the adopted family. Two of my sisters were adopted with me, but they were younger. I was ten. A hard age to be adopted at. I feel as if I've been severed from the family in a way that can't be fixed. Writing and painting has saved me from uncontrolled depression more than once these last few months.
Well, I best get to writing and hope I hit it big before graduation... All that senior stuff!
Showing posts with label brother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brother. Show all posts
Monday, April 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Today is it, I hope
The car is slated to be finished today! can we say yeah....
I'm so excited to be moving to our new life. I'm missing a few things left behind, and still have things that have to be dealt with, but for the most part, things are for the better. Even my husband and I seem to be changing. Our attitudes and stresses are not the same as they were. Don't get me wrong, there are a few things that haven't changed, but we both are bringing new outlooks to the table. This has been good, and in some ways, I believe it's helping me deal a little more with my grief over my brother's death.
I'm not getting a lot of support from my family, partially due to my sister pushing me out. But largely due to the fact that "Leona's dealing with it better than anyone else." People close to me are like, "duh, she's had to deal with a lot more than the rest of you." My family seems to think it means I don't need any help or support in dealing with my grief. My husband and I went through a rough patch at that time, so I've felt very alone until recently. I've started reaching out to my husband and talking about it a little more.
Mostly, I've just been announcing it, like a news feed. Maybe, I'll be able to start moving along with my healing processes. My grief comes and goes and some days are harder than others. If I can write and immerse myself into my stories, or paint and focus on the paintings, I'll have better days. Lately, however, those days have been few and far between and the grief is welling to the surface more and more with less activities to help channel it. It's almost a set back to closer to the time he died. It's been three months, but sometimes, it feels like yesterday.
I know he'd be thrilled for our move, and I catch myself wishing I could get on facebook and tell him stuff. When we made the final decision to leave, I listed him in the people to contact page. I almost cried right there in Costco!
Wish me luck in finding time to channel that emotion into writing and painting. I do some of my best work at those times.
Off to clean the hotel room. Watch out TEXAS, here we come!
I'm so excited to be moving to our new life. I'm missing a few things left behind, and still have things that have to be dealt with, but for the most part, things are for the better. Even my husband and I seem to be changing. Our attitudes and stresses are not the same as they were. Don't get me wrong, there are a few things that haven't changed, but we both are bringing new outlooks to the table. This has been good, and in some ways, I believe it's helping me deal a little more with my grief over my brother's death.
I'm not getting a lot of support from my family, partially due to my sister pushing me out. But largely due to the fact that "Leona's dealing with it better than anyone else." People close to me are like, "duh, she's had to deal with a lot more than the rest of you." My family seems to think it means I don't need any help or support in dealing with my grief. My husband and I went through a rough patch at that time, so I've felt very alone until recently. I've started reaching out to my husband and talking about it a little more.
Mostly, I've just been announcing it, like a news feed. Maybe, I'll be able to start moving along with my healing processes. My grief comes and goes and some days are harder than others. If I can write and immerse myself into my stories, or paint and focus on the paintings, I'll have better days. Lately, however, those days have been few and far between and the grief is welling to the surface more and more with less activities to help channel it. It's almost a set back to closer to the time he died. It's been three months, but sometimes, it feels like yesterday.
I know he'd be thrilled for our move, and I catch myself wishing I could get on facebook and tell him stuff. When we made the final decision to leave, I listed him in the people to contact page. I almost cried right there in Costco!
Wish me luck in finding time to channel that emotion into writing and painting. I do some of my best work at those times.
Off to clean the hotel room. Watch out TEXAS, here we come!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My brother
I miss my brother. For those who don't know, my 24 yr old brother died from pedestrian/car accident April 25. I'm jazzed about my book signing and wenton facebbok to tell people and saw brothers name and that my sisters and brothers are missing him too. I wish he could be here. So bro, this ones for you :)
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