The car is slated to be finished today! can we say yeah....
I'm so excited to be moving to our new life. I'm missing a few things left behind, and still have things that have to be dealt with, but for the most part, things are for the better. Even my husband and I seem to be changing. Our attitudes and stresses are not the same as they were. Don't get me wrong, there are a few things that haven't changed, but we both are bringing new outlooks to the table. This has been good, and in some ways, I believe it's helping me deal a little more with my grief over my brother's death.
I'm not getting a lot of support from my family, partially due to my sister pushing me out. But largely due to the fact that "Leona's dealing with it better than anyone else." People close to me are like, "duh, she's had to deal with a lot more than the rest of you." My family seems to think it means I don't need any help or support in dealing with my grief. My husband and I went through a rough patch at that time, so I've felt very alone until recently. I've started reaching out to my husband and talking about it a little more.
Mostly, I've just been announcing it, like a news feed. Maybe, I'll be able to start moving along with my healing processes. My grief comes and goes and some days are harder than others. If I can write and immerse myself into my stories, or paint and focus on the paintings, I'll have better days. Lately, however, those days have been few and far between and the grief is welling to the surface more and more with less activities to help channel it. It's almost a set back to closer to the time he died. It's been three months, but sometimes, it feels like yesterday.
I know he'd be thrilled for our move, and I catch myself wishing I could get on facebook and tell him stuff. When we made the final decision to leave, I listed him in the people to contact page. I almost cried right there in Costco!
Wish me luck in finding time to channel that emotion into writing and painting. I do some of my best work at those times.
Off to clean the hotel room. Watch out TEXAS, here we come!